Hello everyone. I don't know what the rules/parameters are for posting, yet. So just let me know when I'm out of line, Whitney (or you can forward a big old list of "John Rules"). :)
Today I was listening to a talk that Brad Wilcox gave (he is a John Bytheway style LDS/motivational speaker that I first saw at EFY). His talk was on pornography and it being Satan's counterfeit of the sacred act of marital sex. In a brief digression, he said something that got me laughing, but also summed-up one of my big fears for raising daughters. He said, "Girls, quit putting your whole self-esteem in the hands of some 16 year-old boy who would rather be with a taco."
A lack of self-esteem/self worth was something that I noticed in far too many girls growing up, and even as I got older, too. So, I guess my question/concern is how to help my future daughters understand their worth and that they really are daughters of God. I feel like if I can just help them understand their worth and who they are, they won't have to struggle with eating disorders, or chastity, or half of the plagues that affect girls spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
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I feel ya on this one! Adam will tell you that my greatest fear in life is raising teenagers. With boys, you worry about pornography and it can be harder to know if there's problems going on in a boy's life because they aren't quite as open with their lives as most girls. With girls, it's all about self-esteem and self-worth, like you said. I'm no parent of teenagers, so I don't really know what works, but when I was in my teenage years, the most important thing to me was the comfort of knowing that my parents loved me and wanted to not just be my parents, but be my friend as well. When I felt like I could talk to them as friends, then I could vocalize my insecurities better without feeling like I would be judged. I think it's important that parents let their children know that they're human, too. They aren't always perfect and they have (or had, in their younger years) insecurities of their own! I think an open relationship with your children is SO important when they're teenagers. My family used to have family prayers at the foot of my parents bed and then afterwards, on many nights, we would all just sit on their bed and talk about almost anything. We all kind of bonded there and that helped establish good, open relationships where I felt loved and knew that I was cared for.
Their own friends will have a pretty big impact on how they will turn out (at least that's been my observation). If there is any way to encourage your kids to make good friends, I think that would be ideal. I also think that making good friends largely depends on having a loving, solid foundation in the home.
I don't know if that helps at all, but it's the best theory I've been able to come up with in my concerns about raising children.
I had another thought, after reading yours Whitney, about the value of a father who treats his wife well in the home.
I know a family that has had issues with that, and it has taken a real toll on the children. I'm very grateful to have grown up in a home where my father was always incredibly respectful and loving to my mom, and then later to my step-mom.
I'm also glad that I get to control that aspect of my family. I may not be able to control everything that happens in life, but I sure do get to control how I treat my wife.
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